what do I need to do to get this published?
Saturday’s Women’s March ignited a movement of activism around the globe. Thousands never before involved, found themselves united behind issues, their voices amplified. And with that amplification, comes the need to keep it going.
Take the personal politics out of Saturday and focus on what it stood for and what it can do next. Among the issues highlighted is the need to stand up for women’s issues and rights. The announcement after the inauguration, and before the march, that the 20 plus year old Violence Against Women’s Act grant and office at DOJ is at risk of being cut is one such issue worth standing up and fighting for, and making your voice heard.
The organizers of the march proposed taking 10 actions in the next 100 days on an issue we care about to keep this momentum going. Action 1 of 10 is to write a postcard to your Senators telling them what matters most to you and how you’re going to fight for it in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
We suggest you write to your Senator and tell him or her to fight to Save VAWA. You can read yesterday’s post, and I’ll tell you about VAWA’s history and importance. Tell them that you’re concerned about proposed cuts to the Violence Against Women’s Act and then tell them why. Share with them any number of reasons why VAWA is important to you: a personal story, the fact that it saves millions of lives at risk from sexual assault and domestic violence, the impact VAWA has on protecting children from violence, or the fact that it’s been expanded to help protect victims from prison rape and even violence perpetuated by the same sex.
VAWA has become a beacon for millions of vulnerable women, children, and even men, who needed help at their darkest hour. In my 20 years of prosecuting, protecting, and advocating for victims, I have seen first hand how VAWA funds and programs have saved lives. And while these cuts are proposed not to be mean towards women, but to trim the federal budget, consider the cost of domestic violence and sexual assault on society – domestic violence alone is estimated to cost you the America taxpayer $8.3 billion a year.
So take action. Be A Hero. Fill out your postcard and send it in. And if you want to keep the movement going, post a picture of you or your card and include the #SaveVAWA and even #BeAHero so we can see we did!
Like many of you, I traveled to Washington, DC on Saturday to stand with hundreds of thousands of women (and men!) who had something to say about the state of the world, America, politics, their bodies, and what’s on their mind. The Women’s March on Washington was a great day to be in DC. I brought along my feisty kid who participated in this incredible moment in time and shared it with me, some good friends who traveled and many others.
Many people want to know why I went? I wanted to stand up for continued protections for women’s health and the health of all. I wanted to stand by women who have been politically marginalized by some. I wanted to stand up and say that the denigration of women and the trivialization of sexual assault should not be tolerated. And I wanted to stand with my daughter as her voice was amplified by 500,000 others (and millions more around the world) that their rights, their protections matter.
But the final straw was this. On Friday the Trump Administration began discussions on proposed cuts to the US Department of Justice and elimination of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) the signature act signed into law in 1994 (drafted by Joe Biden) that has enabled protection for millions of victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. VAWA had bipartisan support when passed in 1994 and reauthorized by with bipartisan support in 2000 and 2005 and signed by then President George W. Bush.
Cutting VAWA would be devastating to millions, continues to send the wrong message, and must be stopped.
And lest you think that BCAC and I are being partisan on an issue, read our 2012 Op-Ed when the Victims of Child Abuse Act fund was zeroed out by then President Obama. We made our voice known then as well and saved VOCAA.
Try and explain this one to your daughters, wives, sisters, mothers, and sons and brothers all who have been covered by this watershed legislation for over 20 years.
In the coming days, I’ll be sharing what you can do to Save VAWA (#SaveVAWA) and why it has been such an essential tool for protecting victims from violence, something I have dedicated my entire career to doing. BCAC’s growth as a program, includes helping teenagers who are victims of sexual violence, and children who witness domestic violence.
Saturday in DC was peaceful, poignant, funny, enlightening, empowering, and memorable. Some were there to stand up for women, some to stand up for causes, some to stand up against decisions already made by this Administration, and yes some against the President. But altogether this remarkable rally and all that comes next demonstrates that indeed, this is what democracy looks like.
Adam Rosenberg, Executive Director, January 22, 2017
Holidays are here, bringing joy, cheer, and lots of time with family and friends. While they are a great time for celebration, we at Baltimore Child Abuse Center also want to remind families that the holidays can also be a risky time for children. While there are no statistics saying that the risk for abuse increases at this time of year, circumstances surrounding the holidays make it easier for abuse to occur. Extended family and friends are in and out of our homes, kids are running around, and it is easy to be distracted by activities going on around us and lose sight of the safety of our children.
Here are some of BCAC’s tips and tricks for keeping your kids safe this holiday season:
- Don’t Force Hugs: Respect your child’s decision to protect their body and space.
- Create a Family Safety Plan: Print out BCAC’s family-safety-plan & complete it with your kids.
- Talk Body Safety: No matter the age, it is important to use developmentally appropriate language and help children understand boundaries. Try this video from our friends across the pond at NSPCC.
- Don’t Keep Secrets: Tell your children that there are no secrets kept in your family, and what they can do if someone asks them to keep a secret.
Remember that while the holidays are joyful and fun for most, they can also be stressful and risky time for children. Read the signs your child may be giving you, and stay in regular communication with them.
Wishing you a safe and happy holiday season,
Drew & all of BCAC
In solidarity with the federal Equality Act, Target recently announced an inclusive bathroom policy welcoming “transgender team members and guests to use the restroom or fitting room facility that corresponds with their gender identity.” This sent the blogosphere into chaos. Bloggers literally lost their collective minds. Some claimed the inclusive policy could be dangerous for women and children. Real talk, people wrote that women and children were more likely to be sexually assaulted as a result of the policy.
This claim makes two absurd assumptions. First, that people in the LGBTQ community are sexual perpetrators. One blogger even went as far as to ask why “Target is willing to forego the safety of many to appease the internal struggle of the few.” This is a dangerous and outrageous leap. The writer suggests that the LGBTQ community is inherently unsafe or sexually predatory and perpetuates baseless stereotypes that put people at greater risk for harm. In fact, research shows that the LGBTQ community is more likely to be victims of sexual abuse/assault, not perpetrators. Do not jump to the conclusion that victims become abusers—that’s a whole other blog post.
The second assumption presented is that men and women will pretend to be transgender to enter either bathroom so they can molest women and children. The hypothesis here is that strangers are the perpetrators of sexual crimes. The reason this is dangerous is that we are continuing to teach children the idea of “stranger danger.”
This is a missed opportunity to teach our kids about more likely dangers. In reality, 93% of children who have been sexually abused are known by their perpetrator. What does this mean? Typically, perpetrators are acquainted to their victim—they already know the child in some way and may even be a trusted adult.
Let’s backtrack for a bit. Where did this obsession with stranger danger come from? Highly publicized cases of abductions and child sexual abuse date all the way back to 1874. In one case, a four-year-old boy was lured into a wagon (#oregontrail) by two men that offered him candy. More recently, we’ve heard about Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, or Michelle Knight, Amanda Berry, and Gina DeJesus in Cleveland who were held captive against their will for years. These cases are so compelling because we see their family members on television, we feel like we know them, and become emotionally invested in the cases. We relate to them, making it easy to imagine that something like this could happen to your own child. Side note: stranger abductions make up 1/100th of 1 percent of all abductions—again, it’s usually a parent or someone the child knows.
Let’s be clear, it is always a good idea to teach children to be vigilant and cautious in any situation. It’s our job to help them navigate the world. If we want to keep kids safe, let’s not just focus on stranger danger (or inclusive bathrooms), but instead, let kids know that child sexual abuse happens right at home. Unfortunately, offenders are most likely someone you or your child already knows and trusts. So, how do we protect kids?
- Know the signs (we have some here).
- Talk and listen to them. Only 1 in 10 children actually report child sexual abuse. Let your kids know they can come to you and that it’s not OK to keep secrets.
- Minimize opportunity. Educated children are harder targets for abuse. Teach your kids about body parts that are private and use correct terminology. If something does happen to their body, they will have the words to tell an adult. Trust your child’s instincts. If they say they don’t want to be alone with a person, there’s probably a reason why.
- Know how to report and make the call—you may help keep other kids safe, too. Stay calm, and listen. Gain minimal facts and let the professionals conduct an investigation. Not sure how to report? Let us tell you.
Don’t be afraid to have an open dialogue with kids. Arm them with knowledge. Give them the capacity to keep their bodies safe and the tools to respond if something happens. Be proactive; not reactive.
And if your child has to pee at Target, treat it just like you would if your child had to pee at Walmart. Provide proper supervision and guidance, encourage your child to use the buddy system (but we think Target has better home décor).
Picture taken from “Continuing to Stand for Inclusivity.”
Nikki Daskalakis, LCSW-C and Sammy Jo Kanekuni, LCSW-C are forensic interviewers at Baltimore Child Abuse Center and best friends.
The ever changing world of the internet has thrown its latest hurdle to parents of cell-phone wielding children and teens: Pokemon Go. Coverage on Pokemon Go has been excessive, and unless you have been hiding like Pikachu, chances are you have heard of it (but just in case you haven’t click here). Like every other app this game comes with pluses and minuses, and as our Executive Director Adam Rosenberg says “I am not saying no, but I am not ready to say yes.” So here are some things to think about before you or your kids go out and play.
What’s great about Pokemon Go is that the game encourages children to get outdoors and move around – not just sit on the couch. It encourages “IRL” (in real life) meet ups and interaction with other players. However, there have already been reports of the game being used to commit crimes and causing accidents: one player sexually assaulted at a game stop; a “PokeStop” in California located at a facility housing sex offenders; armed robbers “lure” victims; and police patrol car sideswiped by a driver playing the game. These stories illustrate the more concerning safety issues at play – not just with Pokemon Go, but with social media and technology in general.
When playing Pokemon Go, children unintentionally give real life location information which allows the game and other users to identify where they are while playing. Just like on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, Pokemon Go relies on geo-tagging data to be able to place players in the game. Geo-tagging draws a virtual map of your life. It allows others to see your child’s daily habits and routines, and gives them potentially dangerous knowledge of you and your child’s coming and goings. The game also utilizes your phone’s camera to superimpose the image of Pokemon characters onto the real world. Previous incidents with camera hacking, have allowed access to computer cameras and video which recorded people unbeknownst to them and without permission.
Additionally, players can set a “Lure” to draw more Pokemon and ultimately players to a single location. As if the name wasn’t creepy enough, this function can easily be used to attract potential victims to a single space. Equally troubling is that “PokeStops” can sometimes be in unsafe or risky locations. In BCAC’s neighborhood, there is a “PokeStop” and a “Training Gym” next door to a substance abuse treatment center and another in a vacant office.
So what can you do to keep your kids safe? BCAC recommends that parents check out the Social Preference Caps (the settings which can allow parents to set limits on both the chat and trade functions). Make sure that the location services are turned off when the game is not being used, and consider turning off location services for other apps like Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook. Most importantly, BCAC recommends parents:
- Take Charge: set ground rules with your kids and understand the Privacy Policies
- Monitor: look at what your kids are doing, what sites are they going to, who are they talking to
- Communicate: talk to your kids about the very real risk games and social media can pose
Don’t want your home or business to be a PokeStop? BCAC felt that as a space which helps heal traumatized children, it was not appropriate for our center to be one. Therefore, we submitted a request to be removed from the game. You can submit a request to be removed as a stop by clicking here.
So should you “catch them all?” Before we shut the door on Pokemon Go, consider using it as an opportunity to get out there and play as a family. Do not let your kid stumble over sidewalks and walk into standing objects alone while looking for Vaperon or Mewtwo. Explore the game with them, and don’t be afraid to set ground rules on when and where they can play. Or if Pokemon Go or online gaming isn’t for you, grab a ball and a mitt and have an old-fashioned catch, or go for a walk in your local park IRL with your kid, not looking at a phone.
Drew Fidler, LCSW-C is the Policy and Program Development Manager and a Forensic Interviewer at BCAC. Drew interviews child victims of crime and works with Youth Serving Organizations to analyze their systems relating to protecting children, conducts trainings, and writes policy on keeping the kids in their care safe. In her spare time, Drew prefers to play Candy Crush and Words with Friends.
As a parent or a staff person at a youth serving organization, do you find it difficult to talk with children about their bodies and staying safe? Below please a guideline on how to communicate healthy boundaries.
What do I say?
Bodies, Healthy Boundaries, and Touching
- Teach your children the anatomically correct names for their body parts.
- Teach them that no one should touch their private parts except to keep them clean and healthy.
- Teach the difference between secrets and surprises, and that touching is never secret.
- Talk matter-of-factly about private parts. If your child sees that you are comfortable talking about sexuality, they are more likely to come to you if someone makes them feel uncomfortable or if they have a question.
- Keep explanations basic and at the level of the child’s age.
Establish Family Rules about Boundaries and Touching
- Everyone should have the right to privacy in dressing, bathing, and toileting. If any adult or child breaks these rules, there should be a discussion with repercussions.
- Teach your children that they can say “No” to any type of touch, and that their “No” will be respected.
- Demonstrate boundaries and how to say “No” in your own life.
- Learn more about establishing family rules from the CDC
What are “don’t’s” when talking to my children about sexual abuse?
- Avoid discussing “stranger danger” when talking your children about child sexual abuse. Ninety percent of the time a child is victimized by someone the family knows and trusts. Explain to your child that no one, not even a friend of mom or dad’s, should touch your child’s private parts and if anyone does the child should tell more than one safe adult right away.
- Avoid using the terminology “good touch” and “bad touch,” as this can be confusing for a child. Sometimes inappropriate touching may feel good, so use words like appropriate, inappropriate, safe, or unsafewhen teaching rules about touching.
- Try not to scare your child by overwhelming them with too much information at once. Instead, incorporate family rules and messages about boundaries into your every day discussions about basic safety, this way they will understand that personal safety is as basic and important as other safety rules like “Never play with fire” and “Never play with guns.”
- Avoid making your child feel ashamed or embarrassed for asking a question about his/her body, private parts, or touching. If your child asks you a question at the wrong time, let him/her know his/her question is important and address it as soon as you can, or in more appropriate setting.
How do I start a conversation?
- Use these suggested reading books to start a conversation about bodies and boundaries.
- Watch for signs that your child is interested in sexuality.
- Recognize teachable moments and use these as opportunities to start a conversation.
- Be an “Askable Adult.” Let your child know they can ask you anything!
To Learn More:
- Schedule a workshop about communication in your home, religious center, organization, or at your child’s school.
For additional resources, visit the following websites: